It's time for a refresher course in common sense. Recent news stories have detailed some less-than-ideal behavior by visitors to theme parks around the world, from Walt Disney World all the way to small, local amusement parks. So, for the record, here are 10 things you never should do when visiting a theme park.
1. Get out of a ride vehicle during a ride
You are far safer in a vehicle than out of it, even if the ride stops where it should not. Wait for a park employee to come get you. If the ride is moving and you are concerned that your lap bar is not working, remember that the lap bar's job is not to keep you from being ejected by the ride. On almost all rides, physics will keep you in your seat. The lap bar is there to keep you from jumping out of the ride. So... don't do that.
2. Dispose of a loved one's ashes
Everything is camera monitored and when you are caught, you will get ejected from the park. The park will call a hazmat team to vacuum your loved one's remains to end up in the trash. And if you scattered the ashes on a ride, that ride will be down for hours for the cleanup, denying thousands of other fans the chance to ride. Do not be this person.
3. Try to sneak in
Parks have secured their perimeters, and they do not show patience with those who try to get in without paying. Do you really want to start your day with a police interview? No, you do not. This also goes for sneaking too-short children on thrill rides, too. Whether you think your kid can "handle it" is not relevant. Those height restrictions are there to protect your kids if a ride has to shut down suddenly, which - trust me - you are not qualified to judge.
4. Try to sneak out
Those signs around the park that say "cast members only" mean it. Don't try to sneak around places where you should not be. Your shortcut back to the parking lot could put you in the path of a roller coaster or some other piece of dangerous equipment. Just stick to the public pathways like you should.
5. Jump the lines
Yes, parks selling expensive line-skipping passes might tempt you into thinking that jumping a queue without paying that extra fee is just sticking it to The Man. But you really are just sticking it to other guests in the standby queue. If the wait times are unbearable, ask for a refund and leave the park. You can do that. Don't make the day worse for other people.
6. Put your kid on your shoulders
I understand that little kids can't see parades and shows in a crowd. But rather than block the view of everyone else behind you, hold your child on your hip so that they can see at your eye level. Kids on shoulders are an especially bad idea when indoors or walking around. That ceiling fan or low doorway won't hit your head, but it might whack theirs.
7. Put your hands where they do not belong
This isn't just "keep your hands inside the ride vehicle." (Yes, I have seen fingers sliced off before.) Keep your hands off park employees, too. Even the big costumed characters - heck, especially the big costumed characters. Push or pull a costume in the wrong place and you can injure the employee inside. Follow characters' lead and then hug or fist bump or shake their hand as they (or their handler) show you. And always be kind, not creepy.
8. Litter
Put your trash in the trash. Theme parks put out more garbage bins for your use than any other place on Earth. Use them. No one wants to deal with your mess.
9. Wear a new pair of shoes
Footwear needs to earn your trust before you take them to a place like Disney. This is no place to take any risk with the feet you will be depending upon to carry you through your day. (No disrespect intended to our wheelchair-using friends here.) If you want those high heels or fancy shoes for a special photo, back them up with some proven walking shoes for the rest of the day.
10. Spend your park's profits on stock buybacks rather than new attractions or improving the experience for employees and guests
Whoops. That one was for corporate managers rather than park guests.
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Don't walk in a Line straight across of ten people taking up entire walkway while chanting like a bunch of Brazilian teenagers.
Don't stand way too close to the person in front of you during the queue and invade their personal space. You will still have the same wait for the ride if you keep a respectable distance.
"Yes, I have seen fingers sliced off before"
I, for one, would love a follow-up article about what not to do.
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Don't hold up the line trying to take multiple photos of the queue area.
Don't attempt bribery on the attendee to cut the line/let the kid in.
Adhere to the park dress code and don't think sliding off your shoes in a show is okay.