Last week, when I reported that Legoland Florida would be closing its Flying School roller coaster, I wrote that the move exemplified "addition by subtraction." Getting rid of an attraction that provides a negative experience for many fans can make a park an overall better experience, as fans instead will spend their time on something else that they are more likely to enjoy.
Today, I would like to nominate 10 other theme park attractions whose closures I believe would provide even better examples of addition by subtraction. Since I prefer punching up to punching down, I will limit my choices to attractions from the Disney and Universal theme parks in the United States, which make up the top 9 parks in the country by annual attendance.
In baseball, there's a stat called "Wins Above Replacement Player" [WARP] that analyses how many wins a player is responsible for above the value that would be provided by a low-cost, replacement-level player taking over their position instead. The higher your WARP number, the better and more valuable a player is to their team.
In my book, these attractions have lowest, most negative WARP values to their parks. At the top of the list, these attractions' WARP numbers are so low that their parks might be served better by the attractions being replaced by nothing at all. It's true "addition by subtraction." Further down the list, it's more a question of opportunity, as a new "replacement player" attraction likely would serve many fans better that what we have now.
On to the list.
The attraction at the top of my list should surprise exactly none of you. I suspect that many of you reading this were wondering how far down my list you would have to go to find this particular attraction. Well, that answer is "not far."
Fast & Furious: Supercharged might be - oh, whom I am kidding - *is* the most reviled attraction at Universal Studios Florida. Even Universal executives have thrown this ride under the party bus, declaring that building it was a mistake.
Fast & Furious remains an important franchise for Universal, but with the company building a F&F roller coaster in California, pressure only will increase from fans to do something else - anything else - with F&F in Orlando. Heck, Universal would do better to close the ride portion of this attraction, keeping a walk-through exhibit of picture cars from the movies, accompanied by a sit-down, indoor, air-conditioned seating area in front of screens playing the film series' highlights on a loop. Then, when visitors are well rested and their phones charged, they can exit through the gift shop. It's a F&F fix for the fans who want it, without the disappointment that the current attraction delivers for so many.
Next up: Disneyland's Astro Orbitor isn't a bad attraction. It's actually a nicely decorated example of the "Dumbo"-style carousel spinners that you can find in theme and amusement parks all over the world. But it's Astro Orbitor's location that puts this at number two on my list.
Astro Orbitor clogs the natural choke point at the entrance to Disneyland's Tomorrowland. The California park has spent millions of dollars (see "Project Stardust") to shave literal inches of space at points throughout Disneyland, to help fans to move around the park more comfortably. Removing Astro Orbitor would do more to help make crowds flow more easily into and out of Tomorrowland than any other move the park could make. If Disneyland must keep this attraction, then spend the money to move it back atop the Peoplemover/Rocket Rods loading platform. But get it off Tomorrowland's doorstep.
I have argued before for the closing of Walt Disney World's Hall of Presidents, so allow me to make that point again. Forget what Disney might have intended with this show when it opened in 1971. Today, it has devolved into, at best, an awkward experience that is, at worst, divisive for many Disney guests. The more we examine our American history, the fewer number of U.S. Presidents deserve the idolatry that they are given in this presentation.
At the very least, leave the speaking roles to Presidents who have passed the test of time. But I would rather see the Presidents evicted and for Disney to make this the comfortable, indoor, air-conditioned home of "The Muppets Present Great Moments in American History" shows that used to play in the heat outside the theater in Liberty Square. If Disney must keep a U.S. president here as nod to the theater's original use, I would nominate adding a Muppet Jimmy Carter as show host, as a tribute to The Muppets' popularity peak in the late 1970s. (Okay, I just really want to see a Muppet Jimmy Carter. That would be adorable.)
Let's head back up I-4, where Universal would do well to give up on the flying theater ride in Race Through New York Starring Jimmy Fallon. I like the "The Tonight Show" museum in the building lobby, as well as the Green Room waiting area upstairs, especially when there are character meets and live entertainment there. Like with Fast & Furious, the queue and pre-show areas here are superior to the screen-based main show, which just disappoints many fans. So keep them as a nice resting place in the park until Universal can find a better use for this prime fake-New York real estate.
I get that Walt Disney World is using Star Wars Launch Bay in Disney's Hollywood Studios as a place for Star Wars fans to meet Darth Vader and other characters who do not fit the story and timeline in Star Wars Galaxy's Edge. But the perhaps the best villain in science fiction history deserves better from Disney than this. With Star Tours across the park, this is the third-best Star Wars location in a park that does not need three Star Wars locations.
Speaking of characters that deserve better, it's long past time for Disney to give up on Journey Into Imagination With Figment and to design a new, high-capacity Imagination Pavilion attraction that gives Figment and his old pal Dreamfinder the creative home that they deserve. With the Play Pavilion shelved, EPCOT's Imagination Pavilion should become the new showcase for Walt Disney Imagineering. But what this pavilion is now, ain't that.
My next nominee also touches on the issue of brand identity. I have nothing against the Animal Actors on Location show at Universal Studios Florida except to say that a performing animal show has nothing to do with Universal Studios' brand anymore. A sibling production has closed in Hollywood to make way for that Fast & Furious roller coaster. There's no pressing need to remove this theater, but Universal has plenty of IP without a home in its Orlando parks that could move into this space and make better use of it for more park visitors.
Like with Astro Orbitor, the biggest problem with Disneyland's The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh is its location. With Tiana's Bayou Adventure taking over the former Splash Mountain and effectively expanding New Orleans Square into the park's Critter Country, the British Pooh will seem ever more out of place in his narrow home between New Orleans Square and Star Wars: Galaxy's Edge. Maybe let the Ewoks take over this wooded area, instead?
Many Disney fans thought Tomorrowland Speedway at Walt Disney World's Magic Kingdom was a goner when the resort announced its plans to build TRON Lightcycle Run. But somehow, Disney spared its fume-spewing kiddie race car ride. With the park looking to expand the Magic Kingdom with new attractions, there's no excuse for not making Tomorrowland Speedway's land Disney's number-one redevelopment target.
To the same point, with the Disneyland Resort petitioning Anaheim for increased flexibility to develop its land, why not get started by redeveloping the immense plot of land that now houses the Finding Nemo Submarine Voyage and Autopia above its show building? Like in Florida, Disney no longer needs an outdated, ICE-based kiddie car ride. And Disney's submarine lagoon long has been a wildly inefficient use of a large chunk of park real estate. An attraction that uses this much space should not feel claustrophobic, yet the subs do. Tear down the mostly empty former America Sings/Innoventions theater next door as well, and Disney would have space here for an entire new themed land in the park. That would be a much better use of the space than these two, very mid attractions.
That's my list. Now it's time for you to play Imagineer or Universal Creative employee. (Universal Creator?) What would you target first to take from one of these parks to make for a better experience for their fans?
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No Rip Ride Rockit?
Good call. Should have put that coaster on there.
Every spinner ride everywhere.... and Disney has lots of them.
Glad not to see good ol' ET on here!
It's an interesting list for sure with some valid arguments. I enjoy some of these attractions but I get it. The one I'll defend moreso are the submarines. They're a unique-ish attraction and the subs are a Disneyland staple since the 50's. It's an iconic part of the park. The ride itself isnt a headliner but still alright. But I know it and Autopia sit on a vast piece of valuable real estate.
Speaking of real estate... Men in Black. It's aging and its show building is surprisingly huge. A previous poster made a case for it and I agree. A new case I'll make is Kali River Rapids at AK. Its so underwhelming and short. Re-do it for a similar ride system but better. Much better.
Hot take: Mr Toad's Wild Ride needs a re-do stat. There may be some out there who like the lo-fi trappings, but in its current state, it's an embarrassment compared to other Fantasyland rides.
Hard to see Autopia gone as still pretty popular.
Mission Space.
They got rid of what was arguably Disney’s most ambitious and inspirational audio animatronic ride ever built with “Horizons”, saying they were going to replace it with something revolutionary, and instead gave us what is basically a glorified carnival thrill ride.
Manny and Darron's comments on Men In Black serve as an indication that the attraction needs a refurb. As a dark ride it's second only to Haunted Mansion. As a shooter ride it still stands as one of the best. Fix it and re-open.
Also 'Mission Space' rocks and 'Horizons' was a yawner.
I haven't experienced every attraction at the resorts (especially in Florida), but here's what I'd name as the bottom 10 among those I have (1 is worst)...
10. Inside Out Emotional Whirlwind (DCA)
9. The Barnstormer (MK)
8. Golden Zephyr (DCA)
7. Main Street Cinema (DL)
6. Frontierland Shootin' Exposition (DL)
5. Pixar Pal-A-Round (DCA)
4. Mad Tea Party (DL)
3. Mater's Junkyard Jamboree (DCA)
2. Main Street Vehicles (DL)
1. Jumpin' Jellyfish (DCA)
Notice any trends? With only one or two exceptions, everything on the list is either a decorated carnival ride or an outdated diversion that draws very few visitors these days. Also, almost all of them come from DLR, but that's probably because DLR is where I've actually visited enough times to experience everything and identify what the real losers are. However, like the 3:00 parade question, what we're asking here is "What attraction is low enough quality that it wouldn't be missed yet sizable enough for a replacement to make sense?", and to that I'll nominate my candidate from each park...
DL: Mad Tea Party
DCA: Pixar Pal-a-Round
MK: Tomorrowland Speedway
EP: Journey Into Imagination with Figment
DHS: Indiana Jones Epic Stunt Spectacular
DAK: None come to mind
USF: The Blues Brothers Show
IOA: Flight of the Hippogriff
I can't disagree with the vast majority nominated but you know, Robert, I will defend HoP feverishly. Nemo, Figment, F&F and Fallon are top of my list.
What about stitches great escape?
@stephanie:
Hasn’t that attraction already been shuttered for a while now?
@Robert:
I couldn’t agree with you more about the Star Wars Launch Bay at DHS. That was once a favorite little nook in the park of mine when it housed the Art of Animation Tour (pours out a 64oz Miller High Life) and anchored the Backstage Tour. But now that area is one of the biggest reasons why DHS still feels “incomplete” to me, despite its being home to some of the WDW Resort’s best E-Tickets. It also bothers me on a weird subconscious place-making level. It makes the park feel very asymmetrical and hollow on that side, “uneven” if you will. I would love to see an expansion on that side that bridges the end of Sunset Blvd and rounds out that whole side of the park.
I'm going to ruffle some feathers with this one, but I think Fantasmic! at DHS is one of the worst attractions at WDW. There's nothing particularly wrong with the show, but the fact that Disney built a massive amphitheater for something that only runs once or twice a day and crams half the park's guests into it at or near closing makes for a logistical mess. DHS is WDW's smallest park, yet there's this massive plot of space that's more or less wasted for a nighttime show.
Disney showed they could develop successful nighttime shows utilizing projections on the Chinese Theater, but continue to run an inferior clone of a show from California. Between this theater and the Indy theater, DHS has a ton of underutilized space that could be used to counter the "smallness" of the park.
Hall of Presidents isn't inside the top 25 of worst attractions at Disney, let alone Disney and Universal. At least to most people!
Sure TH, a souped up carnival style centrifuge with a screen where you get to push a button. That’s the kind amazing ride innovation that Disney is known for.
I mean you did have to be have a sense of wanting to be educated and enlightened to enjoy Horizons, so I can see why you found it to be boring.
Judging from the fact that most of EPCOT Center’s original rides that were meant to educate have been replaced with brainless thrill rides apparently Disney management agrees with you.
TOC: Writes "Judging from the fact that most of EPCOT Center’s original rides that were meant to educate ..."
Lisa Simpson responds: "It's what people in 1965 imagined what life would be like in 1987.”
Look, I was a CM when Horizons opened. It was mildly interesting as the newest thing at EPCOT. But the simulator never really worked. The birthday ending was corny.
I prefer Mission: Space.
Sue me.
I'm with TH here too. Horizons had the novelty of that "choose your own adventure", but we blew past that idealized future decades ago. Mission: Space isn't perfect because they've had to tone it down, but as an attraction, it's about as close to being launched into space as you can get without paying millions to a billionaire. Yes, it's a glorified gravitron, but it's easily the most awesome one on the planet.
I don't hate Jimmy Fallen ride.... It is a nice time out of the damn sun and they put the first Band on the Moon.
It's basically the same as the Old Jimmy Neutron or Minions ride...
I once wore the wrong underwear on Rip Ride Rocket - I was in some pain - That damn ride knocks you around everywhere.....(yes you can laugh at me)..
TH and Russell sitting in a tree,
K-I-S-S-I-N-G…you both suck each other’s d!cks much?
Russell, “…but we blew past that idealized future decades ago.” So we currently have colonies in space? And cities under water? And we also have sustainable farms in the deserts? And personal flying transports? And hologram communications? Is your head up your a$$, or maybe it’s up TH’s?
Yeah TH, I’ve heard your “I was a cast member at EPCOT Center, so that makes me the authority” credentials before.
I was an usher at Wrigley Field, so I guess that makes me an expert on running a baseball franchise.
It’s been well documented that most of original EPCOT Center is lost because a lot of people couldn’t wrap their brains around the concept of a theme park actually trying to educate as part of its mission. Which is why Future World is now a mishmash of glorified carnival/Six Flags rides, IPs, and the occasional educational message still left over from its original incarnation.
If you truly think that the park is better now because you can ride a roller coaster and sip some foreign soft drinks, then bully for you. I personally think they took what was at one time Disney’s most innovative and inspirational park and have dumbed it down to pander to the masses and save a few bucks.
I never said I was an authority. Nor did I say I could run the park. As a cast member dating back to the 1980s, I had multiple opportunities to ride 'Horizons'. I was never impressed. I found it boring. I prefer 'Mission: Space'.
TheOldCream finally got TH to admit it - “I never said I was an authority.”
You got that right.
(Chuckle)
Disney
1. Small world
2. Stitch
3. figment
4. TomSawyer
5. Snowwhite
6. Peter Pan
7.philharmonic
8. Buzz light year
9. Frozen
10. Finding Nemo
Universal
1. Doom Drop tower
2. Simpsons
3. MIB
4. Fast n Furious
5. Cat in Hat
6. Dr Seuss
7. Lost continent
8. Flyers
9. Fallon
10. Jurassic River
I'm sorry, at what point is this enough of keith's nonsense? the combination of personal attacks and latent homophobia have to be enough to see him banned from the comment sections of this site.
Homophobia? Nonsense, you’re just trying to preach to the echo chamber. Good luck.
Carousel of Progress. If they aren’t going to update it, then time to be rid of it.
@TwoBits: I concur! This is why the EPCOT Center concept was incredibly challenging. The content presented quickly becomes dated. A couple of years back there was an online panel of attractions builders, designers and techs who lamented that so many theme park concepts begin (during blue-sky) with tech. And then, by the time the attraction opens, the tech becomes old news and the production is not as jaw-dropping its designers originally hoped. The same is true with content. Even though I never cared for 'Horizons' when it originally premiered, I don't think it is much of a stretch to assert that if it were operating today (40 years after it opened) its content and utopian message would likely be pretty dusty.
Schneeder is most likely expressing his own internal frustrations and repressions. We should give him a little space to figure it out.
What the hell is wrong with the world that a theme park comment section can get so toxic. Theme parks are about escaping the depressing realities of the world we live in and by extension a theme park website should be too.
There are plenty of other sites in the world where you can pedal this toxicity so why not stick to them.
Agreed, Theme Park Insider, and The Disney Company for that matter, should stay out of politics. But since both have fully crossed that line, the door has been opened to this toxicity.
That is no excuse for the childlike name calling and animosity.
Name calling? Nonsense. The truth? Absolutely.
It’s ok Schneeder let it all out, have a cry. Apparently you didn’t stay long enough at the drag queen storytelling grooming session and weren’t fully converted. But it does appear you stayed at the clergy grooming and unfortunately probably the reason for the internal conflict and hate.
Tiptop: So, politics wasn't bad enough...you had to bring in religion?
And the false assumptions never end, thus the pushback on so many of the agitators that pop up in these comment sections, yet I’m the problem. Silence and ban the “problem” they say. You’re a weakling if you believe in this. And if I go, which I shouldn’t, so should so many of the others, most of them that make garbage assumptions like Tiptop. But that’s highly unlikely, not from this bogus group of patriots. Close down the HoP? You must be proud of yourselves.
Circling back to the initial posts--Men in Black may need some love, but the last thing Universal should ever do is retire a beautifully-designed dark ride with practical sets. I agree with TH that this is the equivalent of their Haunted Mansion. I would like to see Universal hold on to their best attractions long enough to generate a history and nostalgia for them that is self-reinforcing, like the classic Disney dark rides. Update them, improve them, show them love, but don't ever retire them (this also goes for E.T., the Seuss spin ride, Secret Life of Pets, etc). Disney made the mistake of gutting some incredible dark rides at EPCOT and IMO it was a tragedy on the scale of when they destroyed the original Penn Station in NY.
My biggest complaint about Disneyland is Tomorrowland. Ever since Eisner tried to make it look like Discoveryland at Disneyland Paris, it just looks bad. My suggestion is make it look retro back to 1967. At least it was light and airy and not have all those confining dark colors. Totally agree with Astro Orbiter. The stupidest location of any Disney attraction. Gees why not put a Mickey ferris wheel in front of the castle then?
As for the Autopia, why not replace the cars with electric ones? I'm sure by now the technology is there to do it. Just think how much quieter Tomorrowland would be.
But then again, I'm not Bob Iger...
Thank God.
Hall Of Presidents is a must do for my family, it was also how my 7 year old got to see Lincoln and Washington depicted, other than a picture. It is a one my favorite things to do on our every other year trip from Califonia to WDW !
Replace HOP with a re-vamp of "Great Moments with Mr. Lincoln" -- Walt's attraction.
Disney should just level WDW to the ground and turn the property into a bird sanctuary. That or sell it to SeaWorld, they run better theme parks than Disney.
@AJ Mater's Junkyard Jamboree is truly wonderful if you have little kids. It's really hilarious to them the way it swings so violently, and the music is a hoot. I have such fond memories of riding that one when mine were little. Same for the tea cups.
Worst rides that need to be bombed from DCA, in order:
--Goofy's Crotch-Destroying Sky School.
--Jumping Jellyfish, boring as heck, even little ones are bored.
--Zepplin snooze fest
--Grizzly rapids, world's least exciting rapids ride
--Monster's Inc., the "stationary statues" ride
I try not to poo-poo other people’s opinions, but Grizzly River Rapids is the “world’s least exciting rapids ride”?
Really?
yeah, grizzly river rapids is certainly the best rapids ride I've ever been on — albeit among less than steep competition.
Skull Island at U:IoA is pretty dreadful.
It's pretty much like waiting an hour to play the Jurassic Park shooting game at an arcade.
It stinks, because the queue theming is pretty incredible.
But the "ride" itself is just dreadful.
I'm with Jacob and James here. GRR is a pretty good raft ride, and definitely superior to its sister, Kali River Rapids, at DAK. I wouldn't call it the BEST - that most certainly belongs to Popeye and Bluto's Bilge Barges, but it's up there among the best raft-based theme park attractions in the US.
@jeffmickd:
Good call on skull island. What a waste of a concept. I get it, it’s a “plussed” version of the tram encounter at USH, but it comes across very slapdash. Which is shame because the queue really does set a very ominous and well-themed setting. The best part of this ride for me is probably the giant Kong AA at the end, which looks as though they just re-skinned (albeit in a very detailed and impressive way) the giant Kong torso from the finale of UO’s long-lost and lamented Kongfrontation! ride (I can still smell those bananas lol)
@Russell that's a fair shout, I didn't think about Bluto's.
I love how a post like this can bring out everyone's very subjective take on attractions, but it's more just a chance to complain for most.
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Not quite a "Worst" ride, and definitely not an "addition by subtraction", but I have long been thinking of Men in Black Alien Attack being cleared for something new. My thinking is that Springfield is nearing the end of it's days (as I doubt Fox signed the in perpetuity deal Marvel signed, and Disney wouldn't renew a competitor hosting their IP if they don't have to), and the Fear Factor/ Bill and ted Show is gone so that theater is useless. Men in Black is still pretty cool, but showing its age (a shooter ride should always have more reaction from the targets these days). Now, that leaves that whole side of the lagoon open... what for? Why, a new themed "land", of course! I'm thinking they could extend their deal with Nintendo and put a Pokemon land there, or maybe more since it would be all of Springfield, Men in Black, and the theater. Who knows? Just some prime real estate IMO once they get Epic Universe up and running.
Also, while I'm talking about Shooter rides, I obviously know this wouldn't go anywhere since it has way too long lines even now, but Buzz Lightyear at Magic Kingdom is just embarrassing. Especially after I saw the Disneyland version. Not exactly what you were talking about, but I just feel it's way too old and outdated at the moment.