If you've been to Universal Studios Florida, you might have heard this phrase from the mouths of your small children — along with, "Can I have that?," "I want that," "I want that now!," and "I have to pee."
My kids, like many out there, literally have no idea who Barney the Dinosaur, or the other characters of Woody Woodpecker's KidZone are, and really, why should they?
Woody Woodpecker's KidZone at Universal Studios Florida pretty much has remained unchanged since Jurassic Park collected its dinosaurs from the wild instead of genetically recreating them. Okay, the KidZone might not really be 65 million years old, but it sure feels like it. Entering the KidZone is like stepping into a time machine; only this one doesn't run on a flux capacitor.
Now, I realize that just about everyone believes that the current KidZone site is already earmarked for demolition (except maybe for the E.T. Adventure) in order to be transformed into Universal's announced new Nintendo land. (More on that later.) But even with that much-speculated addition possibly looming in the near future, I think there still remains a need for relevant toddler/elementary attractions in the Universal Orlando Parks.
When Universal Studios Florida first opened in 1990 they received criticism on the lack of attractions geared towards small children. Which was no coincidence, as Universal Studios Florida was designed to appeal to teens and adults. Universal shrewdly recognized that while Disney runs the World when it comes to the 10-and-under set, there was a void that Universal could fill when it came to enticing older kids and their parents to a more thrilling brand of theme park entertainment.
But young kids still need something to do or else they will whine about going to Disney instead of Universal, so Universal made an attempt to compete in this space with KidZone, which opened in stages through 1999. Unfortunately, this section of the park has basically been frozen in time worse than that unfortunate accident between Elsa and Cogsworth (drum roll... rim shot.)
Seriously, let's take a look at the current (or should I say not-so-current) lineup of attractions it features:
A Day in the Park with Barney — To the utterly resounding joy of many parents who did not love the big purple singing dinosaur, no matter how much he claimed to love them back, the last original episode of "Barney & Friends" aired on TV in 2009. Even my young son looks at Barney and knows this unfortunately violet species of genus Dinosaurius Annoyus would not last a full two minutes in either Jurassic Park or World. Unless, of course, velociraptors are allergic to dyed-purple felt... or terrible singing.
Curious George Goes to Town — This section of KidZone even looks old and faded. The giant ball pit play area has a grand total of like 15 balls all being hoarded by the weird kid in the corner with one hand curled protectively around his stash and the other mostly occupied up his nose. The only excitement for parents is a vain attempt to locate safe passage through the voluminous water-spraying area so as not to get soaked. At least the little monkey had a recent TV show on PBS, but the Man in the Yellow Hat is still an odd one. He dresses in all yellow, has no name, and has a little chimpanzee as a son. That has all the makings of a potential Halloween Horror Nights maze.
Woody Woodpecker's Nuthouse Coaster — Ah, so many jokes, so little time... most of them are un-postable on this respectable website. Woody Woodpecker was last featured on syndicated TV in 1997, until a brief stint in new programming from 1999-2002. I know Woody's been around since the 1940s, but he's no Mickey Mouse. Heck he's barely Oswald the Lucky Rabbit.
Fievel's Playland — Remember when An American Tail came out? No? Well, you probably weren't born yet. Heck, I was a teenager back then. Set the DeLorean's time controls back to 1986 if you want to catch the premiere of this cute flick, which if rebooted for today's audience, would probably see poor Fievel being deported back to Russia by Donald Trump.
E.T. Adventure — Yes, I realize E.T. is a Spielbergian classic, but it makes Fievel looks positively contemporary. This is how I know I'm old... I mean other than my kids reminding me. Everyone's favorite non-acid-blooded alien creature first munched Reese's Pieces on the big screen way back in 1982.
To call the Universal Studios Florida KidZone "outdated" would be an understatement equal to describing the T-Rex as an above-average size lizard, or Disney Hollywood Studios as having "fewer rides than most theme parks."
As much fun as I have poking at Disney, it really does land just about every throw in the bull's-eye with the 10-and-under age category, and quite frankly, Universal could take some lessons from the Mouse's success. Which I believe Universal attempted to emulate, or at least take a few steps forward toward that goal, in its second Florida theme park, Islands of Adventure.
Obviously, Seuss Landing is devoted entirely to small kids, and Marvel Super Hero Island certainly appeals to that demographic as well. But here's a little problem...
The Cat in the Hat - 36"
Seuss Trolley Train Ride - 40"
Doctor Doom's Fearfall - 52"
The Amazing Adventures of Spider-Man - 40"
The Incredible Hulk Coaster - 54"
Yes, unfortunately, most kids are too little to enjoy many of the actual rides. They might enjoy the décor and the sights and sounds of the island, but that's like paying for a full dinner and only getting served the appetizer.
Things aren't much better over in Toon Lagoon, which is crippled by the same inherent "out-of-date" problems as KidZone. Ask most five-year-olds who Marmaduke, Dagwood, Beetle Bailey, Dudley Do-Right, or Popeye are. Go ahead. I'll wait. Please feel free to add any hilarious results to the comments section below. And if it's not bad enough that your little ones will have no idea who any of these characters are, we run right into the same ride height restriction issue:
Popeye & Bluto's Bilge-Rat Barges - 42"
Dudley Do-Right's Ripsaw Falls - 44"
What's the solution? Is it Nintendo Land? Or something else entirely? There are a lot of licensing issues at play with Universal's access to preschool/elementary properties. I'm not going to go too in-depth on this topic, as it was already well-covered by Robert in this article: Could NBCUniversal's Sprout network provide a theme for new kids' attractions at Universal theme parks?
As for Nintendo Land, I know that Mario isn't really that good at saving Princess Peach because she keeps getting kidnapped by Bowser, but can everyone's favorite Italian plumber manage to rescue Universal's kid appeal? Well, for children who play Nintendo video games, I'm sure there will be high demand to experience what Universal has in store. But I'm not sure there is a (pardon the pun) universal appeal to all kids with that property.
For comparison purposes, let's take a look at Disney. Obviously Disney have its own legendary stable of characters and in-house intellectual properties to draw upon, but it goes deeper than that. Disney has always touched on mythology, fairy tales, and Joseph Campbell-esque archetypes to achieve the broadest demographic appeal.
Sometimes there can be something profound in simplicity. Children love princesses and pirates. The genius of Disney is to take these beloved standards and gives them the White Glove treatment, putting their own particular Disney spin on them.
Pirates of the Caribbean was merely a ride through the world of pirates that entranced millions of visitors for many years until the fairly recent cross-pollination with the Johnny Depp films of the same name.
Disney's simple yet successful princess strategy has been to update old fairy-tale princess stories and folktales and provide them with its signature twist of a catchy soundtrack, anthropomorphic talking animals, and a strong female protagonist. That legendary monument at the end of Main Street in WDW could be anyone's castle really and it would still appeal to children.
That's one of the reasons that Jurassic Park/World has been such a runaway hit for Universal and they should incorporate more of it into their parks. Kids love dinosaurs! Universal just has to stick the JW or JP branding on them, and it's like printing money. The same goes for magic in the world Harry Potter. What child wouldn't love to attend an enchanted school where they learn magical spells instead of say, phonics and trigonometry?
In my opinion, Universal shouldn't merely focus on just licensing specific properties (though they did hit a home run drafting that Potter kid), but take a lesson from Disney in harnessing those underlying ideals that always have and always will tug hardest on a child's imagination.
So that's what I think. What would you like to see Universal Orlando do to improve the quality of children's attractions at its theme parks?
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I Respond: From whom? Where and when did this criticism occur? Got a link?
Mr. Danner continues: "Which was no coincidence, as Universal Studios Florida was designed to appeal to teens and adults."
I Respond: You know for a fact that Universal's creative team set out to design a park with the specific intent to "appeal to teens and adults?" Again, link please.
I stand in defense of Universal's use of classic cartoon characters. A prime example is Splash Mountain, now this one I bet that most under 40 haven't seen Song of the South.
BTW: There is a new Mickey cartoon series that is airing now that is very good.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mickey_Mouse_(TV_series)
Of course, Universal got a lot of complaints about a lot of things that summer, so yeah.
It's interesting when looking at the top entertainment franchises, Disney has the market cornered. Forget about films, the merchandising profits that princesses generates is over $1.6b a year. The data above is 2012, so I'm sure that the Avengers is much higher on the list now.
Looking at the list the year before;
http://www.forbes.com/sites/jennagoudreau/2012/09/17/disney-princess-tops-list-of-the-20-best-selling-entertainment-products/
The options for other parks to cash in on a thriving franchise is limited, and I don't know what Comcasts distribution is like to create a new (or rejuvenated) franchise across various media. Does Universal own any franchises completely that could make this list?
It makes Disney's new live action princess films make much more sense, as even if one flops at the cinema, the overall merchandising makes any film a safe bet.
Hello kitty should be expanded as a mini land much like Universal Japan has. This would offer a good contrast to Disneys princess juggernaut.
Universal has plenty of kid appealing options and I'm confident that they will pull the trigger on something big after they are finished with Kong, Sapphire falls resort and Volcano bay.
So while the characters may not resonate, playing in the JP jungle or in Curious George's area and in "How I ran the zoo" and Me Ship the Olive was how we spent most of our time when they were younger. It was a win/win for people who don't rush their way through the parks. No lines, one entrance and exit, lots of opportunity for open play with your siblings AND with other kids (and even a few adults). An hour for tired parents to sit, watch the fun and have some coffee.
I know everyone thinks of rides at theme parks, but I remember really liking Universal because for younger kids it wasn't just rides, it was much more creative and interactive play, something that set them apart from Disney for kids that age. In fact I would suggest that parents with the under 12 set devote a an extra day or two to the Universal parks so that they feel like they have time to let their kids PLAY, instead of trying to run them from ride to ride.
Whatever updates UNiversal does, I hope they remember to keep play areas available and then remember to promote them!
I hope whatever Universal does to update
I Respond: Remind me, how many comp tickets did you collect that summer?
Disney is able to bank off of the Disney name alone. As long as they are able to do that, they will always be king of the 10 and under crowd, regardless of what Universal does. Many areas in the Disney theme parks are very, VERY dated. Yet kids still enjoy them,well as much as they can. They look pretty miserable waiting three hours in line to meet Elsa and 80 minutes to ride peter plans flight, a ride that opened in the 50s.
Maybe not many parents show up with kids under ten anyway, so it's a self-fulfilling prophesy. To me, that would mean that Disney will always be ahead in market share because they have the parents-with-young-kids market locked up, and they still attract many other demographics, too. That's still not terrible news for Universal as long as their parks are profitable.
Jon Lovitz as a tarantula. There you go!
With giant corporations these rides are just a piece of a bigger play sometimes. I find it suspicious that Disney made the $500 million Avatar land deal in 2011 when James Cameron was in the middle of filming movies he funds and strapped for cash. His Fox contract is up after these movies
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