Before we start ragging on these coulda-shoulda attractions, we should emphasize how difficult it is to create an attraction worthy of a hit film, much less a beloved entertainment franchise. Disney's early Fantasyland dark rides were basic retellings of those stories that delivered the extra excitement of being immersed in them (flying above London, racing through the scary forest).
As theme park technology improved and designers got more creative, attractions served as new stories that built upon the characters, settings and plot contained in the original IP. Some rides provide alternate adventures, such as how you get to be inside Jurassic Park when everything goes horribly wrong or you get to zoom along with Harry and pals in the midst of the Potter saga. Others turn into mini sequels: explore a new, booby-trapped temple with Indiana Jones or hang out in a Monstropolis comedy club after the monsters have discovered laughter is the best power source.
While movie studio executives will be quick to say that sequels and prequels are easy money, writers and directors will tell you that it's not so simple creating a new installment that lives up to everyone's astronomic expectations. The same goes for recreating an inhabitable, theme park version of celebrated IPs and matching it with a worthwhile ride experience.
With that in mind, let's play armchair Imagineer with a list of attractions that don't quite recapture the magic.
10. Back to the Future: The Ride
Universal Studios Japan
There's only one park in the world where you can still travel from present day to the futuristic world of... a few months later! Even before it was outdated (or should we say OUTATIME?), the hurky-jerky "Back to the Future" motion simulator was somewhat disappointing. On a screen that large, the miniature sets looked pretty fake. And although it delivered Doc Brown, Biff and even Huey Lewis tunes, you can't go Back to the Future without Marty McFly.
9. The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh
Disneyland
Owl-eyed readers might notice that Pooh is the only IP to make both lists. This Disneyland-based trip through the Hundred Acre Wood is the least of the Disney parks' four Pooh attractions for one reason: space. Because these adventures were crammed into the old Country Bears theater, the scenes from the vastly superior WDW version became shorter and mixed-up, while the vehicles couldn't offer the same range of motion. If you can't bounce along with Tigger, you're missing out on a wonderful thing.
8. Tuck and Roll's Drive 'Em Buggies
Disney's California Adventure
DCA's A Bug's Land has spectacular theming – something you'll notice as you quickly walk past all of its attractions while going between Cars Land and the Tower of Terror. The worst offender of the "A Bug's Life"-themed kiddie rides is this super slow version of bumper cars. It's more like nudge-er cars. The glacial pace of this ride makes even less sense given the positively hyperactive nature of the acrobatic pill bugs in the film.
7. Slinky Dog (Zigzag) Spin
Hong Kong Disneyland, Walt Disney Studios Paris
Another impeccably designed land without any truly remarkable ride experiences is Disney's Toy Story Land, found in Hong Kong and Paris. The bottom of the barrel (of monkeys) is this relatively rote Himalaya, which places visitors in a roundabout Slinky Dog. Woody's loyal pal might not be Andy's most exciting toy, but ol' Slink deserves better than this.
6. Storm Force Accelatron
Universal's Islands of Adventure
Hulk gets an incredible coaster, Spidey gets an amazing motion base ride and the X-Men get... teacups. Every attraction can't be an E-ticket, but you'd think that this legion of legendary superheroes could be better served than with an unremarkable (flashing lights! chintzy soundtrack!) rendition of a spinning ride, themed, sorta, to X-Woman Storm.
5. E.T. Adventure
Universal Studios Florida
Has anyone ever watched the majestic "E.T." then said, "This would have been better if Spielberg had shown us E.T.'s home planet?" If so, those people got their wish with this Universal Studios attraction, which functions as a sequel to the 1982 movie. It recreates the iconic flying-bikes-against-the-moon scene, then takes a long, strange trip through E.T.'s psychedelic garden planet, Botanicus – a name that's right up there with Unobtanium. There's a reason these bicycles no longer fly in Hollywood or Japan.
4. Pinocchio's Daring Journey
Disneyland, Tokyo Disneyland, Disneyland Paris
Of all the animated gems that the Disney studios has produced, "Pinocchio" is the grandest, darkest and most exciting... and it might just be the best. We can argue that point forever, but we're likely to find common ground that it deserves a better attraction that this slight, 1980s addition to Fantasyland. Plywood characters and simple animatronics can deliver Mr. Toad's cheap thrills, but Stromboli, Pleasure Island and Monstro beg for a more fully realized ride experience.
3. The Seas with Nemo & Friends
Epcot
If the epic settings of "Pinocchio" deserve better, so does the big, blue world of "Finding Nemo." The deeply stirring Pixar hit is given a rote re-telling at the Living Seas Epcot pavilion, which sees its share of empty clam shells, because the ride just isn't that interesting. The situation stands in stark contrast to the lengthy lines that build at the low capacity (but much more absorbing) Finding Nemo Submarine Voyage at Disneyland.
2. Stitch's Great Escape!
Walt Disney World's Magic Kingdom
What a waste – of space (where fan favorite Extra TERRORestrial Alien Encounter once stood), of technology (an impressively advanced audio animatronic), and of IP (the much-loved Stitch reduces tiny tots to a mess of wails and tears). Those are just three reasons why Stitch's Great Escape is the most reviled Disney Parks attraction. "Experiment 626" is better served in non-U.S. parks, either by the interactive Stitch Encounter (in Hong Kong and Paris, and coming soon to Tokyo and Shanghai) or the Stitched-up version of Tokyo Disneyland's Enchanted Tiki Room.
1. The Dark Knight Coaster
Six Flags Great America, Six Flags Great Adventure, Six Flags Mexico
There's no worse fate for a bat than turning him into a mouse, even a wild one. Timed to the release of the greatest comic book movie ever (that's right, Marvel fans), The Dark Knight Coaster promises great ideas – a Gotham rail station for a queue, a pre-show press conference with Harvey Dent and the experience of being chased by The Joker. But the actual ride is a disaster, from the flimsy sets to a thrill-less coaster. Why so serious? Because none of the tension, intrigue, or excitement of "The Dark Knight" can be found in its namesake attraction.
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None of the Batman coasters are any good. They are all waste of IPs so perhaps they do deserve their number 1 ranking.
ET is a classic and needs to be removed from this list...
Don't make me call you a - cotton picking ninny muggings..
At least the subs are running. I fear that if it weren't for Nemo, the lagoon would have been filled with concrete like MK's version.
I think Star Wars deserves a spot on this list. It's one of the most beloved film franchises of all time and is about to explode again on the world at the end of the year, yet despite now owning the IP, Disney has nothing to show for it besides an old simulator with a new movie. Don't get me wrong, the new movie and multiple endings are awesome, but the simulator technology is over 2 decades old, and nothing to the facades have changed since the attractions opened in the 90's. Add to the fact that Disney has yet to make any concrete announcements on expanding this HUGE IP since acquiring it nearly 3 years ago, and it's rather disappointing. Star Wars is by no means number 1 on this list, but should be here in terms of IPs that are far below how they should be represented in parks. A movie that is so repulsive that Disney won't even let it out of the vault has a more popular attraction than one of the greatest film franchises of all time. There's something seriously wrong with that.
I agree with much of the rest of the list, though.
For an organization that built the single best "little kids" amusement park in the world, California Adventure has almost NOTHING for little kids.
I have to give a small shout-out to Storm Force -- yeah, it's a Tea Cups clone and probably not the best representation of a superhero, but my husband and I have had lots of fun on that ride :-).
Also, you picked three attractions that are the secondary attractions in a land. The IP is strong and good in those lands and you picked the rides you ride while waiting for the main rides?
Nemo has taken a mostly empty pavillion and and made it one of the most well attended locations in all of Disney World. You think Nemo deserves better? There is a show at DAK.
While agree with Stitch and the Dark Knight, this list was pretty weak.
I remember it had lines (around the building) that would make Soaring look like child's play!
Our family would spend hours in the pavilion; riding the ride a least three times each visit!
Also, let's face it, the top (bottom?) two on this list really deserve to be in their own category. Everything else pales.
In response to the BTTF defenders (and if that's one of your favorites, by all means, defend it!), my opinion of that ride might have been downgraded by riding it relatively recently in Japan. Experiencing BTTF after having been on the (far superior) Simpsons Ride replacement, I found it supremely disappointing. The ride loomed larger in my memories of it than it did in actuality. Those dearly departed attractions tend to have that effect.
In regards to E.T., I think we'll have to agree to disagree, but allow me one more point to defend my lack of enthusiasm for it. In the film, Spielberg is masterful at balancing the sci-fi wonder of the story with the potentially too-cutesy landmine of the character of E.T. But he walks that tightrope perfectly, which is why many people don't feel the way about E.T. the way they do about Ewoks. I think the ride's trip to Botanicus tips the scales and is an unwelcome addition to the wonderment of the film's best moments.
Last, in response to Anthony Murphy: yes, I was serious when I wrote this. I'm not saying these are bad attractions; merely that the source material deserves better. And why can't secondary attractions be expected to live up to their IPs? Just because Toy Story Land and A Bug's Land look fantastic doesn't mean all of their "meh" rides should get a pass.
I haven't been to Paris (yet), but I am fairly certain the same can be said about its Toy Story Land. Quite a disappointment.
Also, I completely agree about Stitch at Tomorrowland in Magic Kingdom. I won't say it's a terrible attraction, because I do think it's kind of cute. But compared to Lilo & Stitch the movie, it doesn't begin to do it justice. I'm not sure what would be a good replacement, but perhaps if DLR's Tomorrowland is completely overhauled, MK can get the same treatment, including eliminating the Great Escape.
Nevertheless this is a very interesting topic to talk about, makes you wonder why it didn't come up earlier. I wonder where the old Fast and Furious experience on the USH studio tour would end up?
After reading the article and comments a couple of times, I have to agree that Star Tours has to be on the list, maybe No. 3. Star Wars came out 39 years ago, Disney has had Star Tours 20 years (It doesn't matter when they got ownership, Six Flags does not own DC Comics). The gap in quality/impressiveness between the attraction and the IP is so gigantic that believing it is that large is hard to comprehend.
Didn't realize I was logged off.
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